I came across this video and article while surfing the web and was extremely disturbed, to say the least, by what I read. According to dating advice columnist Deborah Cooper, the black church is keeping black women single – and lonely. The gist of what Cooper so illogically explains in this article is that Black women are either too devout in their religion to give Black men a chance, they have too many Christian standards to accept a man as he is, or they are lusting after their pastor and therefore make men feel like they can’t compete, thus making their chances of finding a man and being truly happy in life virtually impossible. To me, this is extremely idiotic to suggest.
My first problem is that Cooper is suggesting that being a single woman is a negative thing. According to the arguments Cooper presents in her piece, if a Black woman is single in America something is wrong with her. She can’t simply be single because she wants to focus on her career, family, friendship etc. No, she’s single because she can’t find a man, she’s too picky, or some other reason that is most likely her fault. Really, no black woman wants to be single, we’re only single because we have to be. Obviously Cooper’s arguments are adolescent in their research and development. She sounds biased and rude. And the last time I checked, about half of marriages in the United States end in divorce anyway. Maybe if more people kept their standards instead of “expanding the dating pool” as Cooper suggests, more marriages would be intact. My second problem is that Cooper suggests women are too picky in want they want in a man and that women should either leave the church or go to places like “tailgates, bars and clubs” where men are to eliminate their loneliness and find a husband. Now I agree and disagree with Cooper.
I would not suggest only looking to church to find a man to date because there isn’t a guarantee that you will find a compatible mate in church. In other words, all men in church aren’t “good men”. But advising Christian women to go to places like clubs and bars to look for a potential life-long mate isn’t the greatest advice in the world either. It makes common sense to date someone who shares the same values as you and if I am a Christian woman who is abstaining from alcohol, profanity, sexual innuendo or behaviors and the like, why would I go to clubs and bars to find a man? Most likely he won’t be interested in keeping away from those same things. The Christian woman is perfectly justifiable in having Christian standards to which she holds a man who she wants to date and potentially marry. I would encourage Christian women not to hold a man to each and every standard they have or dismiss him because he doesn’t meet your every requirement but to get to know him as a person. My third problem with Cooper’s arguments is that she suggests that Black women go to church to find a man.
The church is one of many places where African American people, not just women, go to find a mate. To suggest that women only go to church to find a man is absurd. People go to church to find God, not a mate, and even if they did attend church to find a mate to blame the church for the actions of individuals is irrational. People can be influenced by religion, family, society emotions and virtually anything. Cooper should be ashamed of herself for suggesting these arguments when she herself is a Black woman. Cooper’s assumptions sound like she has done limited research and is really trying to sell her dating advice services rather than present positivity and even accuracy to and about the African American community. Do you think the black church is keeping black women single? Do you think women can be single and happy? Do you agree or disagree with Cooper’s perspective?
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