Single Women

I came across this video and article while surfing the web and was extremely disturbed, to say the least, by what I read. According to dating advice columnist Deborah Cooper, the black church is keeping black women single – and lonely. The gist of what Cooper so illogically explains in this article is that Black women are either too devout in their religion to give Black men a chance, they have too many Christian standards to accept a man as he is, or they are lusting after their pastor and therefore make men feel like they can’t compete, thus making their chances of finding a man and being truly happy in life virtually impossible. To me, this is extremely idiotic to suggest.

My first problem is that Cooper is suggesting that being a single woman is a negative thing. According to the arguments Cooper presents in her piece, if a Black woman is single in America something is wrong with her. She can’t simply be single because she wants to focus on her career, family, friendship etc. No, she’s single because she can’t find a man, she’s too picky, or some other reason that is most likely her fault. Really, no black woman wants to be single, we’re only single because we have to be.  Obviously Cooper’s arguments are adolescent in their research and development. She sounds biased and rude. And the last time I checked, about half of marriages in the United States end in divorce anyway. Maybe if more people kept their standards instead of “expanding the dating pool” as Cooper suggests, more marriages would be intact. My second problem is that Cooper suggests women are too picky in want they want in a man and that women should either leave the church or go to places like “tailgates, bars and clubs” where men are to eliminate their loneliness and find a husband.  Now I agree and disagree with Cooper.

I would not suggest only looking to church to find a man to date because there isn’t a guarantee that you will find a compatible mate in church. In other words, all men in church aren’t “good men”.  But advising Christian women to go to places like clubs and bars to look for a potential life-long mate isn’t the greatest advice in the world either. It makes common sense to date someone who shares the same values as you and if I am a Christian woman who is abstaining from alcohol, profanity, sexual innuendo or behaviors and the like, why would I go to clubs and bars to find a man?  Most likely he won’t be interested in keeping away from those same things. The Christian woman is perfectly justifiable in having Christian standards to which she holds a man who she wants to date and potentially marry. I would encourage Christian women not to hold a man to each and every standard they have or dismiss him because he doesn’t meet your every requirement but to get to know him as a person. My third problem with Cooper’s arguments is that she suggests that Black women go to church to find a man.

The church is one of many places where African American people, not just women, go to find a mate. To suggest that women only go to church to find a man is absurd. People go to church to find God, not a mate, and even if they did attend church to find a mate to blame the church for the actions of individuals is irrational. People can be influenced by religion, family, society emotions and virtually anything. Cooper should be ashamed of herself for suggesting these arguments when she herself is a Black woman. Cooper’s assumptions sound like she has done limited research and is really trying to sell her dating advice services rather than present positivity and even accuracy to and about the African American community.   Do you think the black church is keeping black women single? Do you think women can be single and happy? Do you agree or disagree with Cooper’s perspective?

Go Girl

I try to constantly read articles and talk to friends, family and even strangers about money. As we all know America is currently knee deep in a financial recession and money is on everyone’s mind, specifically how to make more of it and how to keep more of it. Sometimes I come across women, whether it’s women I’ve spoken with, saw on television or read about in an article who haven’t the slightest idea of how to manage their money or who think they’re doing a good job at managing their funds when they really aren’t. I want to share seven (that’s right, seven) tips that I practice religiously when it comes to managing my money.

Tip 1: Before you spend, make a schedule Getting a calendar and making a list of what bills are due and when they are due really helps to stay on track and pay bills on time. Also listing when your scheduled pay days are on the calendar will be a huge help. That way, you prevent yourself from spending your whole first paycheck on all of the bills for the month and leaving nothing for food and other essentials.

For example, if you get paid twice a month, once in the beginning and once and the end of the month, and you have bills that are due both at the beginning and end of the months , with your first paycheck you should pay all the bills that are due BEFORE your second paycheck. With that second paycheck, pay all the bills that are due after the second paycheck. If you find that you have bills that are spread throughout the month and would like to have more control over when they are due, try contacting the collector and ask if you can change your schedule due date to a date of your choice. Most companies will gladly let you do so.

Tip 2: If you want something, give it! I’m a huge advocate of tithing and giving to others. As a Christian I firmly believe tithing directly affects my income, and I’ve experienced, on several occasions, where my income was positively impacted when I was actively tithing. (DISCLAIMER: I’m not telling you to run out and give your next paycheck to the church you attend. Christians typically tithe 10% of their income. I’m just sharing my personal experience and am in no way forcing my religious beliefs )

Further, I believe that giving to others who are less fortunate can also reap a harvest in your financial crop.

Tip 3: Pay your bills before you spend If you do actively tithe, I would suggest this tip after you tithe. If you do not tithe, this step can be done first. Your bills are the most important things you can spend your money on.  Essential bills affect your living situation, your transportation, your health coverage, etc. It’s important to pay things like mortgage/rent, telephone, health insurance, car note, car insurance, etc. first.

Tip 4: Buy only what you need After you’ve given a little and paid the bills, then you should spend on the essential products you need like food and household items. Making lists and budgeting according to how much you have left is a big help because it doesn’t leave room for you do go overboard and spend too much.

Tip 5: Save, Girl! Save!!! At this point after I’ve tithed, paid bills and bought my necessities, I would save at least half of the money I have left. Sometime I would save more depending on my motivation. It is always smart to save as much as possible for a rainy day. You never when you’re going to need a new transmission or sudden surgery.

Tip 6:  Spend Cash, Not Credit I’ve found that I’m more likely to spend less when I’m spending cash. There’s a big difference when spending $125 in cash versus $125 in credit. Somehow it hurts a little more and you’re more likely to exercise self-control.

Tip 7: Have a limit When you’ve done the responsible thing and want to spend a little money on a manicure or some new shoes, make sure you have a spending limit. Budget a specific dollar amount when buying the things you want.  This will help to keep as much money as possible. Well, there you have it. I hope that these tips are able to help anyone who is seeking to manage their money even just a little better.

One more “tip” I’d like to share for those who believe that managing your money is too difficult or that you have to be some mathematical genius to do so is… – Just do it! Seek advice, research and try!

Fuzzy Hair

Summertime = heat = protective styles . I’m all about bunning when it’s too hot to try a full-blown style. When I get lazy, I rock a simple puff. I like to sport both sleek and messy buns and puffs, depending on my mood, or where I’m headed.   Puff Style circa April 2011 Curly puff paired with a headband Tried using a scarf with this puff. I’m obsessed with polka dots!

Was too busy focusing on the dress to focus on the hair! But this is a curly puff Buns, buns, buns. I wear them on casual days, work days, and nights out   Wearing buns and puffs are the easiest way I maintain twistouts and braidouts. I generally add texture when I want a more sleek or sophisticated look. I’m starting to stray away from puffs because they leave the ends of my hair exposed  – which can cause breakage.   My new motto – BOP  : Buns over puffs! (lame, I know)   Holla!

No Judging!

Okay, before you judge me, let me explain. I used to be a sucker for love for love’s sake. I fell into the whole Disney fairytale life, complete with prince charming, three children, dog, and that happily ever after ending (I know, I know – sad, right?) But I soon learned what life had in store – and it certainly wasn’t prince charming or happily ever after. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in love- maybe even true love. I’m just more of a realist now and reality is that people are getting married less and less, and many marriages are ending in divorce – but I digress. I plan to be married one day, and while I don’t want a huge spectacle of a wedding ceremony (cough, Kardashian, cough) I DO want the coolest proposal ever! I’ve always wanted a cool proposal. Nothing cliché or corny like a blimp with a “marry me” sign hanging from it or a Latin man in tight pants with a violin serenading me over a moonlit dinner for two. I mean, that’s nice and all, but it ain’t me. I need someone who knows me, who knows what wows me, and I want him to show me what he’s got.

Okay, if you think about it, it does sound corny. But after you watch this video, I think you’ll change your mind. He gathered up a few of their friends and put thought and effort into his delivery. Kudos, guy. You get major kudos. I appreciate effort. Yea, they messed up on some moves, but so what? In the end, it was a super cute way to say “I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life (getting on your nerves, letting you get on my nerves, and) loving you.” Thanks to my friend over at Cerebral Gumbo for sharing this video on her Facebook page!

Why Not?

It’s been a CRAZY few weeks for me. I’ve been super busy, stressed, and overwhelmed. These days, it’s just work, Work, WORK!  But, I recently stumbled across this video and it made me feel so much better – especially the dance scenes. (See, I like to image that I can dance – you know, pop and lock and whatnot. Truth is….. I CAN! But, I’ll save that post for later.) Have you heard of Asa (pronounced Ashah)? According to her web site bio, Asa, a native of Nigeria, fuses pop, r&b, world, funk, soul and reggae to create her unique musical masterpieces. In her latest album, Beautiful Imperfection, she sings in both English and Yoruba. For more information on Asa, her background, and current projects, Google her or visit her website. I don’t own any of Asa’s music yet, but after hearing Why can’t we, I know I’ll soon join the ranks of dedicated Asa fans everywhere. Are you an Asa fan? Have you heard of her?

Proclamation

I’ll be honest with you. I RARELY watch music videos and I hate 106th and Park. Yea, I said it, hate. Why, you ask? Maybe it’s because when I did watch it, it was co-hosted by Free, one of the most down-to-earth media personalities you ever did see. Sorry AJ. You gets no love. I just couldn’t get past the predator braids, but I digress… Music videos are all the same nowadays. All you need is a half-naked, exotic-looking chick as the “star”, some smoke and fog, a few dudes with tattoos, wife-beaters and skinny jeans (insert vomit sound), a club scene, a shower scene,  a bunch of almost naked women, and a slow motion effect.  I can’t even watch a Beyonce (I refuse to call her “Bey”) video without seeing a butt cheek or two or six. As you can imagine, when I found out that Lil Wayne made a video for his debut love song, “How to Love” I didn’t think it was anything special. To be honest, I wouldn’t have known about the video if I didn’t read an article about it. But I have to admit, Lil Wayne surprised me with this one. The video was actually…. good….. actually really good. (there I go using those SAT words again. )

To be fair, the song isn’t exactly terrible. I thought it was catchy when I first heard it. But when I heard it a second time, and specifically listened to the lyrics, (this was particularly difficult because Lil Wayne sounds like drunk Uncle Pete, that crazy uncle who always tells stories about the good ole’ days when he used to play spades with his buddies and squeeze ladies booties and run) I was surprised by its message.

Lil Wayne actually addressed a huge  problem in the African American community – the cycle of sexual promiscuity and abuse that plagues African American women in poverty. How to love is just a title. To some degree, the issues brought about in the song and video have a huge impact on a woman’s ability to love, but it goes deeper than that. Our ability to make choices, ones that affect the lives of people around us, is was determines whether we end up unmarried, pregnant, broke, and uneducated – or intelligent, successful, married  (or in a stable relationship) and overall happy. Wayne caught a lot of flack when this song debuted, mostly from his fans wanting that old thing back -songs about weed, liquor, money, cars, clothes, hoes, blah, blah, blah, – it’s been done before. I’m glad he made this song. While I don’t appreciate the technical details of the song (*cough, auto-tune, cough*), the lyrics and the message make up for it. And this video puts a little something extra on it.   So what do you think? Should Lil Wayne stick to rapping? Does this song and video do justice to the social epidemic of single women looking for love in all the wrong places? Should Rihanna sue the woman in the video for stealing her forehead and lips? (Okay, I threw that one in there for fun) But seriously, what do you think of the video?

Congrats!

Awesome job, Omaha Photogs!  Omaha received enough votes to bring Zach and Jody Gray to Omaha!

Cities like Boston, San Diego, Dallas, Chicago, etc, were all in the running, so the fact that Omaha represented like we did is HUGE!  I’m so excited! Now, though, what we need to do is fill up their workshop!  Registration is open, so go check out the info and REGISTER! Here is some information about this fabulous workshop and the links you need to go and sign up! Award winning Top Endorsed Westcott Pros and WPPI speakers Zach & Jody Gray have hosted their IN-CAMERA photography workshops around the country and their latest locations have been released!  This fall they are headed to Omaha, San Francisco and once again will be in Nashville. To register visit the IN-CAMERA Workshop Website. Overview of the Gray Photography IN-CAMERA Workshop Series from Zach & Jody – Want to learn how Zach and Jody are able to achieve the look of all their images without the aid of PhotoShop? – Want to learn how to edit an entire wedding in 2.5 hours solely using Adobe Lightroom? – Want to learn how to create and control light with on-location studio strobes and get phenomenal images in any lighting situation?

The IN-CAMERA workshop series actually shows you how to shoot images that amaze right in the camera. These workshops feature class time, hands-on shooting with professional models, on location studio lighting, post-production and/or image critiques and much more. These workshops are fun, informative, and a great time to hang out with and meet other photographers who want what you want – great images without having to spend hours behind a computer screen editing. For information on the specific classes offered and to register visit the IN-CAMERA Workshop Website.

Nomad Lounge

I’ve been so busy lately that when the time came to head down to Nomad Lounge to shoot Omaha Fashion Week’s Wednesday night show, I was so tired that I grabbed another Italiano on the way.   I’m talking about 16 ounces of yummy goodness in the form of espresso added to coffee…..NOT a tall, dark, handsome man with an accent!  I am the first to admit that I am addicted to coffee.  And not JUST coffee, but coffee with TWO SHOTS of espresso added to it.  However, it’s been a very long time since I’ve had more than one grande italiano in a day.  So, needless to say, I was wired last night!  I shot an amazing show, and left Nomad feeling overwhelmingly blessed to be surrounded by such talented people.  I am so happy to call so many of them friends!  I’ll be there again tonight, and I’ll definitely have more photos to post   In the meantime, I culled, edited, posted, and made a video of last night’s photos!  (All thanks to my evening Italiano!!) Enjoy!

Delays

“When I go a long time between blogging, I start to feel like I need to post some ginormously important, momentous post to make up for lost time. Well, I have so many things to blog about, and I’ve decided to just dig in! So, no excuses, but here’s to more consistent blogging! ” To start out with, I want to give you a sneak peek of something that will be going up VERY soon! I am SO incredibly excited about this opportunity! Lizzy is a model here in Omaha, and she is fabulous! She claims that she gets nervous, but you’d never know it by watching her. I have a blast working with her! Here are a few sneak peeks before I post a big surprise!

The US of A

Today the boys and i leave the United States, heading to South Africa for our very first time. note to self, this is one of those moments to remember when someone ever asks you “what are the best moments you’ve had?”… granted the trip could end up being a disaster, which i highly doubt, but the feeling of getting to go places to do what we do is overwhelming, in a good way. talk about self-enlightenment. expect trip updates on the thing with 3 t’s. now its time for laundry and lunch. be well!